The unspoken word!!
It felt like he was everything I had ever wanted, but in the end, that thought and dream of mine suddenly disappeared in just a blink of an eye. He was gone without saying a word. Damn!!! This pain is killing me (ang sakit sobra!!).
It is almost one year now since he left me. Seriously, I did not think this would end up like this.
We all have this dream that the first man we ever love will be our forever. But unfortunately, this doesn’t happen to everyone. Hahaha! I guess I was unlucky to be one of those who needed to be broken in order to learn some lessons.
When he left, he had promised that he would come back for me; he just needed to do some things abroad. After a few months, our relationship became like one of those pictures that didn’t develop properly—in other words, it became blurred. Suddenly, I couldn’t see things clearly anymore like before. Distance and time were the main issues for him, but not for me.
I know myself—I can conquer things as long as I know what I am fighting for. A barrier was instantly built between us, and we lost contact for some time. Actually, it didn’t matter to me. All I really wanted was at least a single message every day, just a reminder that he loved me and that I was the only one—but that turned out to be a lie.
I did everything on my part to keep him updated about what was happening to me every day. I kept myself busy during the times he didn’t even send a simple “hi” or “hello” (haist, asar e!).
He was also busy, but I did everything to make him feel that I loved him. I am not justifying the things I did for him; all I was asking for was security.
We all know that the only way a long-distance relationship works is through communication. So how could it work for us if we didn’t have that?
So here it is—I gave all my trust, but still, boys will be boys. (Ito na nga.)
I was on my shift that day when this catastrophe happened (hahaha, yes, catastrophe). He sent a picture of himself and his ex—they were back together again. (Yes, a photo of him and his ex.) And I am sure that was a recent photo of the two of them.
WTF!!! (Ang sakit!)
I was shocked. Tears fell. I didn’t know what to do. To be honest, in that moment, I couldn’t think straight. I really didn’t know how to react in that situation.
SHIT!! It was painful. Yes, it still hurts until today, but not like before—I can handle it better now.
I tried to reach out to him, but there was no response. I asked him what happened between us, what was wrong with me (saan ako nagkulang, masaya naman tayo diba?). But in the end, I was still the one who said sorry for what had happened between us. Maybe it wasn’t him—maybe it was really me. The sad part is I never heard anything from him.
My friend and I stalked my ex’s account, and we found out that he posted that he was in a relationship again with his ex (alam niyo na ibig kong sabihin). That girl was actually his girlfriend before me. I think he never truly loved me at all—I guess it was just infatuation. (Burned.)
I was in so much pain that there were times I couldn’t handle it and found myself crying alone. What did I do wrong? All I wanted was for him to explain his side. (Ang mas masakit, hindi man lang kami nag-away.)
If he didn’t love me at all, why didn’t he say it straight to my face?
We were together for almost three years. Probably, I was just for fun. I wish he told me that he wanted it to end. Why? Why didn’t he say that he no longer loved me? Is it because he didn’t want to hurt me? Well, guess what—nasaktan na nga ako, at nasasaktan pa rin ako.
All I want now is to move on from this never-ending pain.
I don’t want to get mad or get even. Yes, I admit it—I am angry (“galit ako”), but I am trying not to be. It’s not fair, especially for both of us.
I know he did his best to make me happy for those 3 years and 2 months. Maybe it was just a character he portrayed so perfectly, just like a leading man in a romantic movie, and in the end, we never had that happy ending.
For me, it is better to have loved and be loved in return than to have never loved at all.
I want to be happy someday, knowing that he is happy with his life. They say that unspoken words are the loudest. If this is loud enough, I hope he can hear it, and I hope we both have a good life ahead of us.
We can’t take back what we have said before, but at least we still have more time ahead of us to make things better for ourselves, with the help of our experiences for our future relationships.
There are so many opportunities still waiting for both of us. We all need to explore new things and enjoy our lives.
Yes, some people are meant to fall in love, but sometimes they are not meant to be together. C’est la vie (ganun talaga).
We are actually wounded by the words people speak, but we die for the ones that are never spoken. (Masakit yung mga bagay na nakikita mo lang—mga bagay na natapos lang nang wala man lang kahit isang paliwanag, at masakit yung mga bagay na naririnig mo sa iba pero dapat sa kanya mo mismo marinig.)
I will always have these unspoken questions and unspoken words that are still gripping inside my head. Hell! What a sad story, but lucky for me, it was not a tragic one.
This will be the last time that I am going to say this word. This may be our unspoken word: “GOODBYE.”
This quote is perfect for this..............................
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