Journey to Utopia!!

I'm still alive but i'm barely breathing!! Ps.The photo is not mine ,found it through internet.(all rights belongs to the rightful owner)

"Things do have a way of working out , when you least expect it "

I really don't know how to express myself today , i feel forlorn since Sunday and it's because of her open letter . I love them both and it hurts so much to see her in this melancholy moment. I only wish for both of them to be happy .I'll admit it ( kasama ako sa mga taong gusto din na magkatuluyan silang dalawa pero hindi naman natin pweding ipilit ang isang bagay na hindi nila ikasisiya .) There's always a perfect time for everything ( Tamang panahon nga sabi n lola diba . )All that she wants is the happiness that she deserve. ( Subra akong nasaktan sa sinabi nyang "hindi na sya masaya".) I feel her pain ( anu ba bakit ba ako nasasaktan? , bakit ako masyadong affected ?Hindi nya naman ako kilala , hindi naman kami close pero bakit nasasaktan ako para sa kanya . Tingin ko ang sagot kasi subrang minahal ko na silang dalawa subrang naging inspirasyon at subra nila akong binigyan ng saya sa mga panahong yung lungkot sa puso ko ay kaya na din akong kainin.Ka...

Sana mabigyan ako ng kakayahang maipakita ko sa’yo kung gaano ka kahalaga sa buhay ko. Sana maibalik na lang ang dating masaya pa tayo, sana nandito ka pa at kasama kita. Sana kahit sandali, makita at makasama ka pa. Sana totoo na lang ang lahat ng ipinaramdam mo, edi hindi sana ako nagkakaganito. Kung maibabalik ko lang sana, hindi kita bibigyan ng dahilan para makita mo ang dahilan ng paglayo ng pag-ibig mo. Pero lahat ng sana ay isang malaking ilusyon na lang pala. Bakit ka bigla na lang bumitaw, naiwan tuloy akong mag-isa? Ginawa ko na ang lahat, pero hindi pa rin pala sapat. Handa akong panindigan ang lahat ng ating plano kahit hindi ko man ito kabisado. Ang plano natin ay biglang naglaho dahil pinili mong matupad ito sa iba. Sana mabigyan man lang ng sagot ang lahat ng tanong sa isipan ko. Edi hindi na sana ako umiiyak hanggang matapos ang tulang ito. Wala na, distansya lang pala ang sumuko. Akala ko ba walang hanggan, pero bakit ngayon bumitaw ka? Lahat ng a...

I wrote this draft yesterday, but I didn’t get a chance to post it the same day because we had to leave the office early to eat breakfast, and I didn’t have internet. (No! I actually have internet on my phone, but it’s hard for me to edit and add words on my phone, so I had to wait until today—right now—to post it.) If you’ll read this whole piece of junk, let’s just pretend and rewind back to the 15th. It was my 21st birthday (yey!!). I celebrated my birthday at the office—sad, but not totally. Nothing much special happened except receiving greetings from my office mates and closest friends. They surprised me with a cake—and it wasn’t just any cake, it was a pink cake! Yey!! My mom greeted me a happy birthday through Messenger. Of course, that was also special, especially when greetings come from family. I really appreciated the surprise. It’s been so long since someone made me feel this way. At this moment, I will always hold on to the fact that some people still want me b...

                     There are so many things crossing my mind lately, and some of those thoughts are making me nervous and putting me in misery. The thought of being happy, and in the midst of that happiness suddenly thinking, “You should not be too happy” (may kapalit yan), keeps coming to me. I think being a pessimist is the perfect way to describe this part of me. Being negative has always been a part of me. I’ve also been thinking lately about what I really want to do with my life. Every single day I wake up, and that heavy feeling still stings in my chest. I know that feeling—sometimes it comes back in flashes, all the bad things I have done in the past. (It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories.) And it keeps haunting and hurting me. (That is depressing!) I feel unproductive. I feel like I am always in misery. I feel useless. (Wala kang magagawa kung ‘yan ang tumatakbo sa isip mo, diba?) Maybe it’s just in my mind, but even t...

Time checked: 11:08 PM. Yes, it’s still Saturday, so I decided to write something today/tonight. I just had fun earlier before I got here at the office. We attended the dedication and birthday celebration of Caden and Ethan, the kids of one of my close friends. We had fun—kahit hindi nakainom, mukha kaming lasing. We did so many fun things earlier, and it felt like I experienced it all for the first time again. My other friends are still at Ate Mae’s house drinking, and I’m going there later after my three-hour shift. Right now, I’m here at the office (yeah, I know, you already said it!), doing emails and waiting for calls—as usual, that’s my routine every Saturday. But I’m glad to let you guys know that this will be my last Saturday shift (yet I feel a little bit downcast). But thank God, I will finally have my two days off. I don’t know, but I guess there will be no time for me to write entries every Saturday and Sunday in the coming weeks because I don’t have a laptop an...

      I have decided to finish this today (this evening, actually). I don’t know why I’m having a hard time finishing this when it’s just about the songs in my playlist. I was really pissed off two weeks ago when I found out that all the songs on my memory card got deleted, and I really don’t have any idea why it happened. So what I did was I downloaded everything again—back to square one. Anyway, I just chose a few songs from my playlist, and I hope you’ll find them interesting. Like what I wrote in my previous blog/entry, I really love listening to music. I don’t know why, but it has been part of me since I was a kid. It feels like I can’t go through the whole day without listening to songs from my playlist. Music always gives me good vibes. Some of the songs I love are from the 90s and early 2000s, while others are more recent. Music is the best anti-stress for me, and it helps me relax when I’m not in a good mood. It also helps me, at some point, to shrug off ...

        Should I say it’s Thursday? Or more like Friday already? It’s already 4:48 AM, and since it’s LCV (low call volume), I got a chance to write something (random thoughts lang). My hands are itching to write, and even though these hands of mine are tired from uninterrupted typing, I still choose to release my thoughts and express my feelings through this. I don’t know, but I find it hard to share my thoughts and feelings with someone, maybe because they might find them uninteresting. Maybe that’s how life goes—some people are born with the confidence to express their feelings to anyone, but for me, it’s hard (they might not understand). You’ll usually find me writing when I’m happy, but most of the time when I am forlorn. I’ve been having so many thoughts lately—it feels like my head will burst any minute. Hi everyone! (Hahaha, “everyone” naman—parang ang daming readers.) Ah basta!! Hi!! There are many things I really want to do, and I don’t know where ...

The day you walked away, you took my heart and breath away. Memories haunt me every day, and it feels like I am dying every single day. I saw his smile that day, and I saw her smile the same way. How I wished I could be that girl, so this pain could never turn into anger. I never thought there could be an ending between you and I. Then I realized there was never a “you and I.” From the very start, I could never own what was never mine. Maybe this really is the end for me and you, and a new start for both of you too. Sorry I hurt you, sorry I lost you, but you see, I’ve lost myself too. Living this life feels like never-ending pain, but at least I realized that loving you is one of the most painful things. I know there will be a denouement to this drama. “Sorry” and “goodbye” are the words I want to hear from you, and “goodbye” will be my perfect answer to you too. PS:This poem is not perfect but hope you'll like it. Have a great day !!!

I can’t remember exactly, but I finished reading this book about two weeks ago. I didn’t get the opportunity to write an entry about it then, so here it is. I accompanied my mom to the airport because she was going to Manila that day. After that, I went to SM Mall, and I don’t even know why. Hahaha!! I have this weird habit sometimes—I love going to bookstores just to check things out or buy books. (Hahaha! Of course you ended up buying a book—you were in a bookstore, right?) Talking to myself (insert sarcasm). I don’t know what got into me, but I checked the book section again that time. I saw a book by Marcelo Santos III titled Para sa Broken Hearted . The truth is, I wasn’t familiar with his name—I didn’t really know him until that day. I later found out that he is also the author of Para sa Hopeless Romantic . At first, I thought Para sa Broken Hearted was all about advice, lessons, or steps on how to move on. Hahaha! I started reading the synopsis (I don’t know the corr...

Sometimes I drink milk before I go to sleep. I don’t know—they say it helps you fall asleep. I am terrified of dogs… no, actually, dog barks. (I guess it’s the same.) I love pink and black. I want to get a tattoo and a navel piercing (belly button piercing), but my mother would kill me if I did that (of course, it’s a hyperbole). She doesn’t want me to get a tattoo. I don’t know about a navel piercing—I never asked her about it before. I can say I am an introvert. I really want to learn how to play guitar, piano, and drums. I just don’t know how to start. (UHHH!! Hopeless case.) I can’t live without earphones and music. I can stay at home or in my room all day. I love doing things alone—shopping, buying stuff, or even eating alone. (Told you, I am an introvert.) Maybe some people or my friends don’t know this side of me. I love movies. (Maybe you all know that already since it’s one of my hobbies. Hahaha!) I love music, but music doesn’t love me. (You know!) I lov...

                                                                    It felt like he was everything I had ever wanted, but in the end, that thought and dream of mine suddenly disappeared in just a blink of an eye. He was gone without saying a word. Damn!!! This pain is killing me (ang sakit sobra!!).     ALL ABOUT MY PAIN It is almost one year now since he left me. Seriously, I did not think this would end up like this. We all have this dream that the first man we ever love will be our forever. But unfortunately, this doesn’t happen to everyone. Hahaha! I guess I was unlucky to be one of those who needed to be broken in order to learn some lessons. When he left, he had promised that he would come back for me; he just needed to do some things abroad. After a few months, our relationship became like one ...

                                  Nakagraveyard shift ang lola ninyo. Off na ang mga colleagues ko, at may 3-hour shift pa ako. This actually happens every Saturday. Right now, 11:25 PM to be exact, I started at 10:00 PM and this will end at 1:00 AM. The good thing about my Saturday shift is that it’s only 3 hours on duty, but on weekdays, my shift starts at 10:00 PM and ends at 7:00 AM. I’ve been working as a call center agent for 2 years now and counting. I admit, this is not an easy job, especially since we work the graveyard shift—dapat nga nun tulog na ang tao. On this shift, I was assigned to receive calls, make call backs, and respond to emails. Since it is Saturday, it is considered low call volume, which means I don’t usually receive many calls compared to weekdays. On weekdays (Monday to Friday), we have lots of calls every single day, and after that long shift, we all look like zombies ...