Forlorn !!
There are so many things that crossing into my mind lately and some of that thoughts are making me nervous and putting me to misery . The thought of being happy and in the midst of that happiness you'll stop and think "you should not be happy too much " ( may kapalit yan ) . I think that being pessimist is perfect to describe that character of mine( Being negative is always a part of me.).I been also thinking lately about what i really wanna do with my life . Every single day i wake up the heavy feeling is still stings on my chest. I know that feeling some moments it's just comes back in flashes all the bad things i have done in the past .( It's like a kaleidoscope of memories) and it's always hunting and hurting me. ( That is depressing!!) I feel unproductive, i feel i'm always in misery and i feel useless. ( Wala kang magagawa kung ayan ang tumatakbo sa isip mo diba.) Baka sa isip ko lang yun but even though i tried so hard to shrugged that off onto my head it's still there.( Buti pa ito forever !!) URGGGGRRHH!! What am i gonna do with my life ?? Yes , i do have goals and dreams , i just don't know how to achieve all of them.I want my family to be proud of my doings but i guess they are not. The things i have done , i have given , the effort and other is not enough to alter the burden i have cause before .I hope i can get through this melancholy moments in that instant but no!! no seriously (hindi madali) there are times that all you have to do is cry cry cry cry and cry to lose some pain.
( Pero kulang padin ei ang sakit at ang gulo padin ng isip mo) How can i be productive? How can i make them proud? I don't want them to suffer because of what i did before , Is this really is painful (Masakit kasi alam mo na yan !! talking to myself), how long? How can i start if i don't know how ? What do i need to do to make my/our life the way i wanted ? I want a comfortable life , i also want to give that to my family but how ?What a life ?? C'est la vie
We cannot choose what God wants for us but HE will help us make it better , ( I can't wait for that moment, please please !!)Probably, there's still a positive side that was left in me because i am still hoping for a better life one day, i know God has a plan for me , for everyone. He knows what's our hearts grieving and he will help us to aim our dream and goals . We need to trust him and believe ( diba there can be miracle when you believe and miracle happens once in a while ) .I wish i can be more optimist/ positive more often . Honestly , being introvert is good at some points it will help you think more about what to do hahaha not good if you think all negative moments in life like me. I wish i could also vanquish the bad memories in the past , if i could ask for something that would be a time machine so that i can undo my mistakes and replace it with hard work. But again no no no that would never happen, i could never bring back the past and make the wrong things right. (It's all in the past , huli na ang lahat ). Is really happiness is hard to find ?? maybe in some situation or some time. I can't explain how i feel today while writing this , ito nanaman . It feels like there's something sad that will happen ...(oh!! please not now ) . If i could beg for permanent happiness , i would. It's not new to me to feel this way , to feel forlorn . For me sometimes being sad has its advantages , it helps you to realize somethings in life (big or small it doesn't matter) .Sad moments like this one helps me realize what really life is ,even though it's kinda depressing.Siguro minsan we need to be lost , bad things are really bound to happened for us to be reminded, time and what it's worth . To make the most out of it while we are still here.Bad or good it doesn't matter , we are learning from it.
( Pero kulang padin ei ang sakit at ang gulo padin ng isip mo) How can i be productive? How can i make them proud? I don't want them to suffer because of what i did before , Is this really is painful (Masakit kasi alam mo na yan !! talking to myself), how long? How can i start if i don't know how ? What do i need to do to make my/our life the way i wanted ? I want a comfortable life , i also want to give that to my family but how ?What a life ?? C'est la vie
We cannot choose what God wants for us but HE will help us make it better , ( I can't wait for that moment, please please !!)Probably, there's still a positive side that was left in me because i am still hoping for a better life one day, i know God has a plan for me , for everyone. He knows what's our hearts grieving and he will help us to aim our dream and goals . We need to trust him and believe ( diba there can be miracle when you believe and miracle happens once in a while ) .I wish i can be more optimist/ positive more often . Honestly , being introvert is good at some points it will help you think more about what to do hahaha not good if you think all negative moments in life like me. I wish i could also vanquish the bad memories in the past , if i could ask for something that would be a time machine so that i can undo my mistakes and replace it with hard work. But again no no no that would never happen, i could never bring back the past and make the wrong things right. (It's all in the past , huli na ang lahat ). Is really happiness is hard to find ?? maybe in some situation or some time. I can't explain how i feel today while writing this , ito nanaman . It feels like there's something sad that will happen ...(oh!! please not now ) . If i could beg for permanent happiness , i would. It's not new to me to feel this way , to feel forlorn . For me sometimes being sad has its advantages , it helps you to realize somethings in life (big or small it doesn't matter) .Sad moments like this one helps me realize what really life is ,even though it's kinda depressing.Siguro minsan we need to be lost , bad things are really bound to happened for us to be reminded, time and what it's worth . To make the most out of it while we are still here.Bad or good it doesn't matter , we are learning from it.
PS. I'm hoping for a great day ahead!!!
When it rains, look for rainbow .
When it's Dark, look for the stars.
