Journey to Utopia!!

"Things do have a way of working out , when you least expect it "

I really don't know how to express myself today , i feel forlorn since Sunday and it's because of her open letter . I love them both and it hurts so much to see her in this melancholy moment. I only wish for both of them to be happy .I'll admit it ( kasama ako sa mga taong gusto din na magkatuluyan silang dalawa pero hindi naman natin pweding ipilit ang isang bagay na hindi nila ikasisiya .) There's always a perfect time for everything ( Tamang panahon nga sabi n lola diba . )All that she wants is the happiness that she deserve. ( Subra akong nasaktan sa sinabi nyang "hindi na sya masaya".) I feel her pain ( anu ba bakit ba ako nasasaktan? , bakit ako masyadong affected ?Hindi nya naman ako kilala , hindi naman kami close pero bakit nasasaktan ako para sa kanya . Tingin ko ang sagot kasi subrang minahal ko na silang dalawa subrang naging inspirasyon at subra nila akong binigyan ng saya sa mga panahong yung lungkot sa puso ko ay kaya na din akong kainin.Ka...

Sana mabigyan ako ng kakayahang maipakita ko sa’yo kung gaano ka kahalaga sa buhay ko. Sana maibalik na lang ang dating masaya pa tayo, sana nandito ka pa at kasama kita. Sana kahit sandali, makita at makasama ka pa. Sana totoo na lang ang lahat ng ipinaramdam mo, edi hindi sana ako nagkakaganito. Kung maibabalik ko lang sana, hindi kita bibigyan ng dahilan para makita mo ang dahilan ng paglayo ng pag-ibig mo. Pero lahat ng sana ay isang malaking ilusyon na lang pala. Bakit ka bigla na lang bumitaw, naiwan tuloy akong mag-isa? Ginawa ko na ang lahat, pero hindi pa rin pala sapat. Handa akong panindigan ang lahat ng ating plano kahit hindi ko man ito kabisado. Ang plano natin ay biglang naglaho dahil pinili mong matupad ito sa iba. Sana mabigyan man lang ng sagot ang lahat ng tanong sa isipan ko. Edi hindi na sana ako umiiyak hanggang matapos ang tulang ito. Wala na, distansya lang pala ang sumuko. Akala ko ba walang hanggan, pero bakit ngayon bumitaw ka? Lahat ng a...

I wrote this draft yesterday, but I didn’t get a chance to post it the same day because we had to leave the office early to eat breakfast, and I didn’t have internet. (No! I actually have internet on my phone, but it’s hard for me to edit and add words on my phone, so I had to wait until today—right now—to post it.) If you’ll read this whole piece of junk, let’s just pretend and rewind back to the 15th. It was my 21st birthday (yey!!). I celebrated my birthday at the office—sad, but not totally. Nothing much special happened except receiving greetings from my office mates and closest friends. They surprised me with a cake—and it wasn’t just any cake, it was a pink cake! Yey!! My mom greeted me a happy birthday through Messenger. Of course, that was also special, especially when greetings come from family. I really appreciated the surprise. It’s been so long since someone made me feel this way. At this moment, I will always hold on to the fact that some people still want me b...

                     There are so many things crossing my mind lately, and some of those thoughts are making me nervous and putting me in misery. The thought of being happy, and in the midst of that happiness suddenly thinking, “You should not be too happy” (may kapalit yan), keeps coming to me. I think being a pessimist is the perfect way to describe this part of me. Being negative has always been a part of me. I’ve also been thinking lately about what I really want to do with my life. Every single day I wake up, and that heavy feeling still stings in my chest. I know that feeling—sometimes it comes back in flashes, all the bad things I have done in the past. (It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories.) And it keeps haunting and hurting me. (That is depressing!) I feel unproductive. I feel like I am always in misery. I feel useless. (Wala kang magagawa kung ‘yan ang tumatakbo sa isip mo, diba?) Maybe it’s just in my mind, but even t...

Time checked: 11:08 PM. Yes, it’s still Saturday, so I decided to write something today/tonight. I just had fun earlier before I got here at the office. We attended the dedication and birthday celebration of Caden and Ethan, the kids of one of my close friends. We had fun—kahit hindi nakainom, mukha kaming lasing. We did so many fun things earlier, and it felt like I experienced it all for the first time again. My other friends are still at Ate Mae’s house drinking, and I’m going there later after my three-hour shift. Right now, I’m here at the office (yeah, I know, you already said it!), doing emails and waiting for calls—as usual, that’s my routine every Saturday. But I’m glad to let you guys know that this will be my last Saturday shift (yet I feel a little bit downcast). But thank God, I will finally have my two days off. I don’t know, but I guess there will be no time for me to write entries every Saturday and Sunday in the coming weeks because I don’t have a laptop an...

      I have decided to finish this today (this evening, actually). I don’t know why I’m having a hard time finishing this when it’s just about the songs in my playlist. I was really pissed off two weeks ago when I found out that all the songs on my memory card got deleted, and I really don’t have any idea why it happened. So what I did was I downloaded everything again—back to square one. Anyway, I just chose a few songs from my playlist, and I hope you’ll find them interesting. Like what I wrote in my previous blog/entry, I really love listening to music. I don’t know why, but it has been part of me since I was a kid. It feels like I can’t go through the whole day without listening to songs from my playlist. Music always gives me good vibes. Some of the songs I love are from the 90s and early 2000s, while others are more recent. Music is the best anti-stress for me, and it helps me relax when I’m not in a good mood. It also helps me, at some point, to shrug off ...